Harry Potter and the Time He Almost Got Sirius Killed
by AggresiveFangirling
Summary: When Lily and James asked the Marauders to babysit, they did not realize what a terrible decision that was. Needless to say, when they come back to the disaster that is their home, the culprit will be caught and Sirius Black will face something worse than what he probably would in Azkaban.


_The House Competition  
_ House: Slytherin  
Category: Standard  
Prompt: [Speech] "Mark my words. This is the last time you get the best of me,"

Word Count: 1,191

* * *

"Remind me why we're babysitting, again?" Peter grumbled from his seat at the table, pushing Harry's plate towards him again, urging the one-year-old to eat.

"Cause good ol' Prongs needed us to!" Sirius answered cheerfully, marching over to his frustrated friend, and grinning at his godson. "And between you and me, so I can teach Harry here a few tricks... Without our dear sweet Lily screeching at me."

"I heard that." Remus sighed.

Sirius shot an innocent smile at him. "You heard nothing." Then he turned to Harry. Lifting a spoonful of porridge, he shoved it into Harry's unsuspecting mouth.

"And that's how you do it, mate!" he winked.

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "Three, two... One-"

All the food in Harry's mouth came shooting out and landed straight onto Sirius' cocky face.

The silence in the room was deafening.

Peter cringed.

Remus held his breath.

"IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO GET READY TODAY. HARRY, YOU LITTLE WRENCH, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS,"

 **. . .**

A loud boom rolled across Godric's Hollow, announcing the storm the dark and threatening clouds had promised since dawn. At the sound, Sirius started.

Remus and Peter had long since left, claiming a sudden need to get Sirius' bike into the house before the rain, and now Sirius was alone with Harry. It had been easy before with Harry quietly listening as he read a book to him but now the one-year-old looked spooked by the lightning and thunder and Sirius wholeheartedly agreed with that feeling. James had always teased him about his fear for thunder, but Sirius insisted that it was only his animagus form rubbing off on him. That wasn't true.

The wind howled loudly once again, and Sirius' grip on Harry's storybook tightened. It wasn't until after that thunder peal had passed that he realized Harry was staring with wide scared eyes and heard his piercing cries.

"Harry, mate, will you please shut up?" Sirius pressed his hands against his ears harder.

Harry only cried louder.

Sirius reached for his wand. "Forgive me for this," And with that, he pointed it at the toddler. "Silencio!"

For the next ten minutes, Sirius occupied himself with the book, carefully studying each little picture, trying to distract himself from the roaring thunder outside, and completely ignoring Harry, as he continued to bawl noiselessly.

Presently, Remus came strolling in. "He's already quiet? Maybe I didn't give you enough credit, Pad-"

Sirius gulped.

"DID YOU JUST-"

"IT DOESN'T HURT HIM, I SWEAR- REMUS! REMUS, STOP KICKING ME!"

 **. . .**

Remus wasn't too sure about leaving Sirius alone with Harry again. Who knew what the bloke would do to keep him quiet. But after forcing Sirius to undo the spell, he left Peter with Sirius, muttering in annoyance about how there were _two_ kids to babysit now.

As they were stranded inside until the storm cleared up, Remus soon found them sitting calmly on the floor when he strolled in again, glaring daggers at each other. He raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"What's wrong, Padfoot? You look as if someone kicked your puppy."

Sirius, being Sirius, dramatically jabbed a finger at the drooling toddler. "He won't say my bloody name! First, he ruins my gorgeous face, now this. Shall we dispose of him in the garbage, perhaps? Lily won't notice."

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Chur bwoody name? Gurbege?" Harry scrunched up his nose.

Sirius groaned. "What have I done to deserve this, Moony? WHAT?" he paused. And after a moment of reflection, added, "Actually, don't answer that."

Remus cracked a smile despite himself.

"Come on, Harry. Say it. Say Padfoot,"

"Moony!"

Sirius glared at him. "Merlin, what is wrong with you?!"

Remus folded his arms haughtily. "Told you I was his favorite."

Sirius ignored him. "Now, Pronglet. Listen to me. I'm your godfather. I'm supposed to take care of you. So please, prove this - this git wrong and say it. Unless you took after dumb James, you should be able to pick this up easily."

Harry frowned. "Moony!" he declared.

"No! Pad-foot."

"P-"

"Yes! There we go!"

Harry stopped. "Poo," he said finally.

"This is ridiculous, Harry. Pad-foot."

"...Moony."

"STRAIGHT INTO THE TRASH CAN, I SAY!"

 **. . .**

"I'll watch him, you said. He's only a child, you said. He won't cause any harm, you said. I hate to break it to you, Padfoot, but _THIS_ classifies as harm," Remus glowered at Sirius. And as he motioned to the rest of the living room, Sirius winced.

From the looks of the blue and green streaks of crayon on the walls, and Harry's blanket, soaked in milk and spread over the sofa, to the bottle orange juice spilled like the river Nile across the floor, it was safe to say Sirius Black would not get out of this alive. A path of cheerios and Remus' neon pink hair confirmed that.

"I lie down for fifteen minutes, and boom! Chaos reigns. If the bloody storm wasn't still going, I would've kicked you two outside. You," Remus pointed at Sirius, "I have a good mind to still leave out there."

But before Remus could continue scolding his friend, a giggle from behind the sofa made the two of them turn around. Harry toddled out, a mustache of chocolate on his chubby, happy grinning little face.

"Poo'fud play kiwich! Kiwich!" he laughed delightedly.

"Indeed. Quidditch. Is that what Lily's spatula is being used for?" Remus asked dryly.

Harry only bounced around the man in response. "Bloody hek, Moony! Es kiwich!"

This earned Sirius a smack from Remus. His eyes widened. "Now, Harry. Don't say that in front of Mumma, yeah? We. Are. Screwed, Moony."

"Moony, we scewed!" Harry repeated earnestly from behind them.

"He certainly is." Remus snickered.

"Poo'fud is scewed, Poo'fud is scewed!" Harry sang gleefully.

Sirius glared at him. "Lily's going to _murder_ me, and that's all you can say?"

A nod from his godson confirmed Sirius' suspicions.

"Bloody git. Mark my words. This is the last time you get the best of me."

Harry tilted his head. "Bludy git?"

Sirius groaned. Remus sniggered. And as if on cue to make the current situation even worse, the door of the house was heard opening, and a woman's voice called, "We're home! Where are you guys? Harry?"

All the color drained from Sirius' face. If it was possible for his pale skin to get even paler, it did. As Lily and James entered the living room, Sirius almost darted out or would have, if Remus hadn't taken a firm grip of his collar.

Lily's mouth dropped in horror. Those few seconds seemed like hours to Sirius Black as she took in what they'd done to what used to be her tidy home.

Beside her, James gasped. "Was there a bloody hurricane in here?"

His comment went unnoticed as Sirius' eyes met Lily's.

Harry tugged his mother's hand, joyously declaring, "Mumma! Poo'fud did it! Poo'fud bludy scewed!"

"You have five seconds to run, Sirius Black," Lily growled.

* * *

 _Uhm, edit: I seriously can't even right now. Your reviews are so sweet, hhhhh. THaNks~_


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